“I don’t want to live here. I am going, leaving. I have had
visions of myself embracing budhism and becoming a monk. Or at times I see
myself going to Varanasi and spending life in the quiet. All my miseries end at
that point, where a new life awaits me. A life without aspirations, pseudo ambitions,
free of complex relations, a life without chaos. A life worthy of living” read
Ram’s letter that he left behind at his table. With heavy steps, Ram moved
forward towards the door while his parents still slept. “It was 2 a.m.,” he
thought to himself. For a moment, Ram stood there looking in the direction of
his parent’s room still wondering if they could ever forgive him. “I am guilty
of betraying my mother’s love, I am also guilty of shattering my father’s
trust” Ram thought. But the guilt did not seem to deter him from the higher
goal. Drawing a long breath, he held his head high and ventured into the outer
world. “Barefoot, so be it!” Ram said, staring at the long dark road. He did
not know his destiny, all he knew was that he had to walk. Unperturbed, he started
walking with the only terminus in mind: Enlightenment. “The beckoning Light, I follow.
The darkness, I dispel. The lonely path, I tread” muttered Ram.
Ram was a principled young man, greatly influenced by the
Bhagavad Gita and Swami Vivekananda. He could have talked endlessly for days on
the subject of spirituality for it was his greatest teacher. He shunned
religion and would never visit a temple in spite of his mother’s insistence.
Indulgence in meditation was a quality he inherited from his grandfather. But
in the past few days, meditation had been an altogether a novel experience. He
would see a light radiating at a distance. A light so powerful and emitting,
that it blinded him every time he closed his eyes to meditate. It would keep
his mind engrossed for the rest of the day until one day he stumbled upon a
book by Swami Vivekananda that described a similar experience. Ram now knew
that it wasn’t any ordinary light, that there was a purpose to his life. He
couldn’t have spent rest of his mortal life in spiritual ignorance.
As he walked, glimpses from his life kept flashing in his
mind. He had a loving girlfriend, loyal friends. To his parents, he was an
ideal son. To his friends, a perfect mate. To his lover, the best companion.
His advice was highly regarded amongst his friends and family. Many of his
acquaintances knew him to be an extraordinary man. He knew he was breaking
hearts of his close people, letting them down. But it did not matter to him
anymore.
The night was gradually giving way to light, and Ram’s flow
of thoughts was suddenly interrupted by a loud noise coming from a distance. He
turned around to see a bus approaching in his direction, playing some random Hindi
song that wasn’t familiar. The bus stopped short of Ram, the conductor stuck
his head out through the window and asked in a hoarse voice, “Anywhere you want
to go?” “No”, Ram said in denial moving away from the bus. “Come on son, you
could use some help. It is far from here” said the conductor in a convincing
tone. Ram halted his feet and looked at the man in amazement and confusion. “It
is far from here?” Ram questioned himself. The bus looked pretty old and worn
out, like its conductor. But for some strange reason, the white paint on it
still looked fresh. Something inside him wanted to believe what the old man had
said. “If it is far from here, I should take the bus” Ram thought. He climbed
up the bus that had no passengers besides him and was pushed back by an
unanticipated force due to sudden acceleration. The driver was an old man too. “Isn’t
the noise too loud?” Ram enquired while occupying a front seat. “The noise is
always loud” pat came the reply followed by a giggle. “Listen carefully” said
the conductor sounding conspicuous “Listen to the whisper of the Gods. They are
calling out your name. The noise is this material world, but this whisper is
the divine self. Shut yourself to this material world and you will hear them
whispering.” Ram was awestruck. After all, it wasn’t something ordinary that
the old man had just said. The driver seemed unfazed at all of this. The noise
did not seem to bother him, as he devoted his entire concentration to the road.
Hours passed by without a conversation. They passed through
barren lands, green pastures, and through dense forests. They passed through
villages, cattle, towns, population and through areas that had no sign of life.
The noise now fell like music on Ram’s ears. The journey seemed unending. It
was nearing twilight when the bus came to a sudden halt in the midst of a dense
forest. The tires screeched to a stop breaking the monotonous silence of the
forest abruptly. Ram’s attention was immediately diverted to a sound resounding
from somewhere in the forest. With every passing moment, the sound drew nearer
and he could now make out the direction it was echoing from. The echo only
added to the mystery. “Some wild animal” he thought staring at the two shining
eyes visible at a distance in the dark between the trees. As they drew nearer,
he could make out two horns on the head of the animal and its striking brown
color. “It’s a deer” Ram said looking at the conductor expecting the same
enthusiasm that he himself was feeling. But the conductor responded with a dull
look showing no curiosity. The body of the deer shone bright like melted gold.
He had never seen a deer that beautiful. Strong slender body, sharp horns, eyes
full of compassion. He stared at the eyes and they stared back. There was a
connection, a divinity. Ram felt a state of trance, his mind emptied of all
thoughts. He wanted to get down the bus at that very moment. “Godspeed”, said
the conductor looking at Ram indicating this was his stop. Those words sounded
magical.
There he was, standing in the direction of the mystic deer
gazing deep into its eyes. The deer turned around and started walking towards
the forest at a sluggish pace. Ram followed. He followed it into the dense dark
forest. The jungle had huge trees, making it difficult for light to creep in.
The evening felt like a very dark night amid those trees. He pursued the deer
to a place that felt like heaven. The huge trees had disappeared to be replaced
by a single thick tree, the branches of which spread in all ten directions. Its
branches ran through the ground all over the place. It was massive, shady and
an apt place to meditate. Besides the tree was a small pond surrounded by rocks
and gathering a waterfall in it. The water fell in the pond but the pond did
not overflow. Sparrows and pigeons flocked around it frequently to satiate
their thirst. The place was filled with melodious sounds of falling water and
flocking birds. Ram was struck by its beauty. He looked around for the deer but
it was nowhere to be found. He had been so engaged in this new found heaven,
that he had lost track of the animal that brought him here. “Was this place
magical? Is this what a heaven looked like?” he asked himself. But the
questions appeared unimportant as it dawned on him that this was the place he
had been waiting to see in all these years. In spite of a long journey, Ram did
not feel fatigued nor did hunger bother him. Just an unquenchable thirst for
Nirvana.
It had been days since Ram last opened his eyes out of
meditation. Braving the day heat and coping with the night chill, he sat there
cross legged and arms spread out in deep trance. Sweat and shiver, his body
combated both. The birds chirping, the owls howling did not perturb him. Growth
of facial hair was clearly visible. Days into weeks and weeks into months, but Ram
did not feel hunger or thirst. He looked skinny than before, but no sign of
bodily weakness. His body now did not react to the heat or to the cold. It
produced no sweat nor did it shiver in the cold. A full grown beard adorned his
face, and hair had grown shoulder length. His beautiful calm face exuded a glow.
A glow of the divine within him, a glow of being self content. The birds
occasionally rested on his body as they would on a rock. They wandered around
him, circled him, and sat on his crown. They sometimes pecked at his face and
at his body for his body smelled of roses. Rain fell, seasons changed but
nothing in the whole wide world fazed Ram.
Ram opened his eyes to a burning sensation in his lower body
as if he had been sitting on a pyre. And in the next moment, he went numb. He
didn’t feel a thing down his head. He couldn’t move his hands neither his legs.
Head seemed so heavy that he thought it would fall off and suddenly his eyes
were filled with a bright white light. A blinding white light. A light so
radiant and full of gleam that it consumed all darkness. His joy knew no bounds
as tears trickled down his eyes. He knew he had attained Nirvana. In such a
state of transcendence, he had been freed of all bondages. He had mastered his
grief and sufferings rising above all things worldly. He was one with the
supreme soul, in union with the Brahman.
He had
fulfilled his Destiny!
